


Playing With Fate

by yooshine



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, M/M, Red String of Fate
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-08
Updated: 2019-05-10
Packaged: 2020-02-28 08:15:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18752515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yooshine/pseuds/yooshine
Summary: The gods would tie a red string, an invisible red thread to connect those who are destined to meet,regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.But what happens if you meet your soul mate and thefirst words they tell you is "I need you to cut my string" ?





	1. Chapter 1

 

The gods would tie a red string, an invisible red thread to connect those who are destined to meet, regardless of time, place or circumstance. The thread may stretch or tangle, but it will never break.

 

Sometimes lucky ones were born. Those who can see, touch and feel the red strings of fate. Some see it as a gift, ever so embracing, so accepting. They use it to help others find their soulmate, for them to find theirs. However, some don't see it like that. It's a curse. They know when friends aren't supposed to be together when married couples aren't soulmates when individuals have been cut. They see theirs, and the thought of seeing their soulmate is painstakingly terrifying. 

 

That's what Changkyun used to think. He used to think it was something so burdensome that he would rather die than be given the "gift" for his next life. But when he found out he can profit with it, he acknowledged it as a gift. Changkyun at the age of 14 knew that he was different. That those red things entangled everywhere wasn't a normal sight for everyone. Luckily enough, as a Redditor himself, he found a little information about it. There is stuff he already knew and stuff that was mind-boggling. Apparently, he can untie them. At the age of 16, he started cutting strings. He heard one of his classmates getting tired with his girlfriend, Changkyun laughs under his breath. 'They weren't even connected at the first place.' However, he didn't know why but he took his hand off his mouth and looked at the guy. "I can cut it if you want." That's how it started. Rumors broke through and almost everyone wanted to have him cut theirs. Knowing well his customers, that was the same age as him, were making a mistake. He didn't care, not really. He was just happy to earn as much as he can. At the age of 20, while still in college he created social media accounts for his business, calling it "Choice". It seemed fitting since they are playing with fate. He accepted customers through bookings, then they would go to his dorm to have it cut. Sometimes on his way back, he sees customers at his door, shouting "bring it back", "connect it please". It made him move dorms. It's not like he didn't care but why would they have it cut if they'd want it back anyway? Changkyun thinks it's awfully stupid. 

 

At the age of 21, Changkyun meets someone like him. He was still doing the appointment thing, with his customers going to his dorm. Someone asked for an appointment with the name Lee Minhyuk, he was a tad bit late which irked the string cutter- that's what Changkyun would call himself since there really isn't an official name for people like him. He pulls out his phone from his back pocket and starts typing a text to his customer when he hears a knock outside his door, he opens to see a guy with a huge ass grin on his face. "Lee Minhyuk. I'm wondering if you're hiring? Here's my resume!" He pulls out a white paper from the envelope he was holding and gives it to Changkyun. Wary, the latter looks at the resume, much to his surprise it was legit with great credentials too. 

 

"How do I know that you can see it?" Minhyuk cocks a brow and smiles devilishly. "Your string's tied to your left pinky finger, it goes around your waist and it's a little tangled near your set of scissors, might I add that's scary." Changkyun nods, good guess. "Mine's not connected to anyone." Minhyuk raises his right hand and Changkyun nods again. "You're hired." 

 

Now 23, Changkyun owns a shop downtown. Minhyuk shares a big portion of the profit but Changkyun doesn't mind, he was a big part in why the shop even pushed through. He was also a big part in the design of the shop. It looks old from the outside somewhat scary too with black painted brick walls, courtesy of Changkyun of course, but it feels much like home in the inside, thanks to Minhyuk and his fine decorating skills. Those weren't exactly fitting for Changkyun's aesthetic but it can't be helped. There they continue what they do, Changkyun uses his gift to cut the strings of those who lost faith in fate, those who loves someone more than their soulmate, those who consider themselves a free soul, and those who lost love. Changkyun would lie if he says that at the beginning he was indifferent to all of this. As a kid he didn't seem to decipher how much depth he was doing all he seemed to care about was the amount of money he's receiving. In college, he didn't want to give sympathy for those fraternity boys who'd just want their strings cut so they can freely be with anyone they want. But now, now that he was 23 now that he has met a numerous amount of people. All who has stories to share, reasons, and hidden tears. At times he didn't want to cut the strings because it felt like they still "had a chance" he would reason. Other times Changkyun just doesn't want to mess with fate. But he's been doing it for as long as he can remember and now everything is purely business he feels indifferent. He doesn't ask anymore, doesn't listen sometimes, doesn't look them in the eye. There are times when he's curious, he indulges in the temptation to ask but never going any further beyond the name and reason. The number one rule, business is business. 

  
  
  


\--------------

 

 

"-she's such a beautiful girl. She knows who I am. Truly knows me." Changkyun hums, nodding his head too while inspecting the string. It's glowing, meaning the owner of the other end is just around the corner. "Are you sure?" his customer stops and tilts his head. "What do you mean? I'm already here. Of course, I am." 

 

"Your soulmate's near though. Do you still want to do this?" Changkyun says as he opens the drawer filled with scissors. He chooses the one with the red-tinted blades and black handle. He puts it up just so that he can see. "We don't do refunds here. If you want the thread back together, we won't do it." Changkyun informs him one last time before holding his thread up to his scissors. "Wait, stop. I, give me time to think. Please." He nods as a response and puts his scissors down. The customer leaves the room and proceeds to leave the store too. Minhyuk, who was handling the counter, has an idea of what's happening as the string wasn't cut, he caught a glimpse of the person he was destined to be with and he sighs. 

 

Minhyuk slides the maroon curtains to enter the room and sees Changkyun arranging his scissors. "Why'd you do that?" The latter shrugs his shoulders. "To save us from the usual 'put it back please', 'undo it' and so on. I hate it." Minhyuk understands, he also hated it, no matter how much he tried convincing others to be sure before doing this, to think a hundred and one times before this a lot would still return and ask for them to reconnect it. It's not like he doesn't want to entirely, it's more like he can't. They can't. They can only reconnect it if both soulmates are there, within a certain period of time too. If by chance they meet these requirements Changkyun allows Minhyuk to tie it back. Business is business, Changkyun would say. However, not everyone was lucky enough to have it reconnected. 

 

Minhyuk crosses his arms when he hears the chimes. He goes back in the front desk and greets the customer, it was the same guy but with disheveled hair, red eyes and sweat beads on his forehead. Minhyuk motions him to go back at the back as he prepares tea for the customer. After adding another cube of sugar he goes to the back and places the tea on the customer's desk. "Here, to help you calm down." The latter gives a small smile and takes the cup. 

 

"Thanks." 

 

When he goes back in front he covers his ears but he still hears the groans. He still hears the cries. It took a while before he goes in front to pay for the service Minhyuk smiled. "Did he tell you the side effects?" 

 

He shook his head. Minhyuk sighs, Changkyun always left the talking to him. "Okay, you'll be feeling depressed for two weeks tops. It really depends though, some have felt like that for a month or so but that rarely happens. You can have it reconnected but your soulmate needs to be present and it needs to be within a month starting on the day when you had it cut. If you have any questions do not hesitate to message us on any of our social media accounts @Choices or you can call us here-" Minhyuk gives him a business card which he took with care. "Thank you for choosing Choices by Lim and Lee." Minhyuk smiles a toothy grin again. Of course, it was insensitive but he grew accustomed to it. The customer leaves the shop and Minhyuk enters the room again. 

 

"He ran after her you know." Changkyun nods, knowing full well why he looked like hell when he went back. "Endgame was he chose to have it cut." Changkyun shrugs his shoulders not really caring about the man's feelings. "I always wonder why you cut them, why can't you just untie them?" Minhyuk says as he gets the untouched cup of tea on the customer's desk. "I like collecting scissors." 

 

"Really now?"

 

"Yeah, kinda. I read somewhere that you won't have a chance to reconnect it if you untie it directly from each of the soulmates' finger." 

 

"You still believe in love!"

 

"I believe in second chances."

 

"No, that's love. You'd still want to be able to reconnect all those strings that got cut. Why? Because you still believe in the idea of soulmates and true love Changkyun!" Changkyun huffs, he keeps the red tinted scissors back in his drawer. "I don't know. I'm anything but a romantic."

 

"What made you bitter anyway?"

 

"Cut it out Min. I'm just not in it for the love you know?"  Minhyuk was about to answer back when he hears the chimes again, he raised his eyebrows. "He was our last appointment of the day. Walk-in maybe?" Changkyun shrugs. "Go get it then." The former nods, he goes back in front to accommodate their customer. There he saw a man, probably his age, shorter though with purple hair. And a thread that was as bright as day, the thing is when someone's near their soulmate it glows brighter. For the two string cutters, it was blinding. But they had to do what they had to. As Changkyun would say, business is business. 

 

"Good day Sir! How can I help you?" The man clears his throat before speaking. "I heard from a friend that this place has people who can cut the threads. I was wondering if I can have it cut now?" He said it so sternly that Minhyuk was caught off guard, this was the first time someone was this sure to have their strings cut.  He glanced back at his finger. "Are you sure?"

 

"Yes. I've been thinking about this for a long time already." He says as firmly as how he said his words awhile ago. Minhyuk nods, not giving himself another chance to glance back at the ever so glowing thread. "Okay, Sir-"

 

"Yoo Kihyun. You can call me Kihyun." 

 

"Okay, we'll do it after 10 minutes. For now please wait while I inform our string cutter." He nods as an answer and seats back on the couch while Minhyuk enters the other room. 

 

The latter leans on the doorway, hands inside his jacket pocket as he gives Changkyun a sly look saying, "Guess your next one's gonna run out to find h- Holy shit Changkyun!" Changkyun who had just made himself fall asleep woke up again. He groans in annoyance. "What?" Minhyuk goes near the younger, his hands making his way to Changkyun's thread to show him. "It's glowing." The youngers stands up abruptly surprising Minhyuk. He's lost in his thoughts mind reeling of what he should do. He thought about his soulmate sometimes, thought about how much of Changkyun he would change. He gasps when someone slaps the side of his thigh. "Kyun, snap out of it!" Changkyun held the part where Minhyuk hit him and sneers at the older. When the atmosphere calmed down, Minhyuk prompts Changkyun to sit down beside him. 

 

"So, what are you gonna do about it?" 

 

"I don't know. Not be pulled in by fate."

 

"You have to think more rationally Changkyun. It's your soulmate! You only ever have a soulmate once!" Changkyun shakes his head. He is not going to have this conversation with Minhyuk when his soulmate is just on the other side of the curtain. Besides, he's not even sure if it is his soulmate. 

 

"You know what? I'll just do my job. Business is business."

 

“Oh no, you're NOT gonna pull that shit on me. This doesn't fall under business. This is different."

 

"I'm still your boss, he's been waiting for fifteen minutes now Min." Minhyuk stands up, he huffs then stomps his feet all towards the other side. "Don't cut it Changkyun." He gives Changkyun one more look, much more somber this time around before he goes back out to their customer. 

 

Changkyun was overwhelmed. He looked back at his string, it really was glowing. It was so blinding that Changkyun's head hurt, another one of the reasons why he dislikes the strings. It's usually tolerable but this, this was on another level. This caused so much animosity and annoyance to Changkyun that he would rather cut his finger off and throw it at the ocean then have this glowing string all around it. It's not like he wanted a soulmate nor did he want to meet him or her. He was massaging his temples when he heard footsteps. He notices from his peripheral vision that the hand he used to massage was glowing brighter. He dares to look up, to see the thread glowing the brightest he has ever seen. 

 

"I need you to cut my string."

  
  


Changkyun never thought those would be the first words his soulmate would ever tell him.

  
  
  


\--------------

 

Changkyun was not a believer of karma. He was a good child, he followed his parents when they ask him to do something almost always immediately too. He never jaywalked in his life, never put his eaten bubblegum under the bleachers, he was always a good child. Another thing on his "Always" list was that he always thought everything he did was a result of his hard work and perseverance not because of luck. But oh wow, how life had played him. He really hit the jackpot with having his soulmate ask him to cut their strings, personally. Regardless of all the good, he had done as a child he ended up with this. This must be karma from all the times he cut his classmates strings or the times when he didn't tell his customers their soulmate was near. Basically, karma for playing with fate. 

 

Right now Kihyun, Changkyun learned his name after awkward amounts of silence, was seated right in front of him. Changkyun was trying not to look at him nor his, their, shared thread. It was glowing too brightly to the point that Changkyun was squinting to save himself from questions as to why his eyes were like that he excused himself to choose the scissors for this session.

 

He took his time picking scissors to cut the thread with, for aesthetic reasons, avoiding questions and mainly to distract himself from his soulmate. But no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop but think about it. It would lead him taking a glance at Kihyun. Kihyun, he was okay. Changkyun didn't really think much about what Kihyun would look like, or if he was a he. He never really thought about his soulmate until now, now that he was seated a few inches away from him. But to turn thing positive, Changkyun was surprised with how attractive Kihyun looked. His soulmate was different from what Changkyun expected back when he was expecting as a kid. The image of his soulmate was simpler, natural colored hair, neutral clothing. Kihyun, however, was the opposite with purple hair and all. He was the same height as him, or that's what he thinks since he didn't stand up to shake his hand somewhat afraid that Kihyun might notice the connection they have. 

 

Lucky for Changkyun, Kihyun didn't notice but unluckily for Changkyun, he noticed something else. He sees the string cutter, looking like a statue. His hand hovering on a pair of plain black scissors even the blade was black. 

Growing curious Kihyun watched Changkyun slouched, gently grazing his fingers at the set he had. "Does each scissor have like a significant purpose for each thread?" This caught the attention of Changkyun, normally his customers would watch him in annoyance. Since they would want to get things over with but he, Kihyun, he was genuinely curious. Changkyun's heartbeat was a little too fast for his liking. Stupid heart. 

  
  


"No, it's purely because of my own taste." He turns back to his collection, not wanting to have any more conversations with Kihyun. Kihyun who didn't seem to get the memo pushed with the conversation. "Can you show me some? Is this like a thing for people like you?"

 

"People like me?" 

 

"Yeah, to those who cut strings," Kihyun asks, eyes full of bewilderment. Of course, Changkyun's stupid heart had to do a flip. 

 

"No, it's just for fun. Sometimes customers give me scissors as a gift if things worked out." 

 

"Is that you trying to make me give you scissors?"

 

"No, I was just saying."

 

Changkyun hears Kihyun chuckle, taken aback when his heart did another thing he abruptly took a pair of scissors and placed it on top of the desk. He frowns when he sees it's the new one his friend gave to him. "That's nice, it matches my hair. Where'd you get that?" 

 

Changkyun shrugs, "A friend gave it. Do you wanna start now?" 

 

"Yeah." Kihyun started staring at Changkyun while he was inspecting the string. It was still too bright, still giving him headaches but this time his eyes weren't squinting anymore Changkyun would like to think it's a skill. He’s making progress and Kihyun was still staring, he didn't want to make it look like he notices it or he feels sit but something about the way he was staring confused the hell out of Changkyun. It made him uncomfortable. 

 

"Uhm, can you please stop?" He says a little too breathy for his liking. Kihyun tilts his head, a question mark flying above his head. "Was I staring?" Changkyun nods, he had already put the thread down as Kihyun broke him away from his concentration. "I'm sorry I was just wondering if we'd seen each other before." The former wanted to shout a "no" many, many times. He wanted to shout how everything was just the string's doing not because you really think like that. Instead he chose to ask another question to divert Kihyun’s attention.

 

"Why do you want it cut?" Right now when he thinks about it, this really is a stupid question. Would he really want to know why Kihyun wants him out of his life? 

 

Maybe? No? He doesn't know. Was he curious? Kinda. But does he need this information? No. 

 

"Oh, you do get curious. I never told anyone that's not family about this, but since you'll be the one cutting," Changkyun prepares himself for the usuals, which consist of; "I'm getting married to someone who's not my soulmate", "I don't believe in love", "I found someone better". When Kihyun opens his mouth again, Changkyun held onto his shirt under the table, his grip was tight thinking if he would let go maybe, maybe he might just get hurt.

  
  


"I don't want my soulmate to suffer." Changkyun breathes out a breath he didn't know he was holding. That was new and a hundred percent confusing. 

 

"You don't want to hurt your soulmate by cutting your thread?" Kihyun laughs, not like the chuckle a while ago this was strained and painful to hear. 

 

"Yeah, it's stupid. But I have to do it."

 

"Oh, okay. Do you want to start now?" When he sees the former nod, Changkyun held the string with his right hand, his left held on the scissors. A part of him hesitates, he knows the side effects knows what he's about to do will hurt him too. But the way Kihyun talked about how he had to do this felt like it was him doing everything for the sake of his soulmate. It felt like it was a rational reason and Changkyun believes him. Sweat beads were forming, the air around them was heavy this was the first time he had a hard time gripping his scissors. Just as he was about to move closer Minhyuk suddenly enters holding a cup of tea in both of his hands. 

 

"Tea, for you to relax." He says as he puts down the tea on Kihyun's side of the table, the other on Changkyun's. The former smiled and said a short thanks which Minhyuk replied with a smile. He then looks over Changkyun who looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Changkyun someone's on the phone for you." the younger nods, and he quickly gets up to go to the counter, knowing that it was just Minhyuk trying to help him. As they were alone Minhyuk contemplates, to tell him or not. He knows full well that it's not his place but if he leaves Changkyun alone to do it he knows that he won't be able to tell Kihyun about it. 

 

"Is, is this normal?" Kihyun suddenly speaks up, his hand was placed on his chest as if to count his heartbeats. "What is?" He looked over to the man who was seated, he looked like shit too. Like Changkyun, on the verge of tears. 

 

"When he held my string, I felt I don't know how to call it. I just felt something. This is weird, God." He covers his face with the palm of his right hand. Minhyuk suddenly has an idea; if fate didn't want them to meet then why did this happen?

 

"It's okay if you want to think about it again. We usually make our sure customers schedule an appointment after a month so they can fully grasp the effects and consequences of cutting the string. It's okay if you'd want that, it's much better honestly. We'd rather wait than see someone suffer too." Minhyuk says with his most convincing salesman voice he had ever used yet. 

 

On the other side of the maroon colored curtains, Changkyun was leaning on the wall breathing heavy, and heavier by the second. He squeezes his eyes shut, why can’t he do it? Why can’t he cut their string? He’s been doing it for a million times already, he saw so many people walking away from him crying, whimpering, bawling even; God’s sake! Why can’t Changkyun do it? He can’t do it, he knows that it’s going to be cut anyway it’s not like Kihyun can’t just go to another person to do it for him right?

Minhyuk can do it for him right now if he wants to. He opens his eyes and stares at curtains, as if he stared any longer he’ll be able to see what’s happening at the other side. He peeks down at his left hand, it’s still glowing. Haven’t withered to that disgusting color of brown. 

  
  


Changkyun was nauseous but somehow he finally made a decision. 

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

———

He’ll cut it. If that’s what Kihyun would want, right? There’s nothing to their relationship but client and server. Changkyun wipes his sweaty hands on his pants and takes another deep breath before walking towards the maroon colored curtains. Business is business.

When he was about to slide open the curtains, Minhyuk and Kihyun stepped out of the other room which surprised the younger. “Changkyun, Kihyun rescheduled,” Minhyuk says as his eyes looking hopeful. The younger clears his throat first before speaking. “No, we’ll do it today. We’re fully booked the whole month. I don’t know what Minhyuk told you but we can’t have you do it on another day.” Minhyuk’s eyes widened. He wanted to stop Changkyun but it’s not his decision to make. Changkyun knows Minhyuk just wanted to help but he doesn’t want help. He doesn't need it. Changkyun dares himself to look at Kihyun straight in the eyes. “I’m ready when you are.” The purple haired man nods he follows Changkyun back in the room. Kihyun took his time looking at his environment, it almost feels like the tattoo parlors Wonho- his friend- would bring him to every time he gets a tattoo. The room was bigger than he expected it to be. Kihyun figured this is where the two would hang out on free days being the reason why it was bigger than the waiting room. Changkyun coughs which caught the attention of his customer.

“Sit here, we’ll be doing it quickly.” Kihyun didn’t know what has gotten into the other. A while ago he looked like he was having a hard time, and frankly, Kihyun was too but now he looked like he would just want this over with. Kihyun followed his instructions, he placed his arm on top of the table with his right hand raised slightly for Changkyun to hold.

Changkyun’s hand was sweaty while Kihyun's hand was cold it wasn’t a pleasant feeling. But there was this kind of warmth emerging when their fingers touched. Changkyun tries to ignore the sensation, this isn’t right. He held the string closely with a deep breath he cuts it.

 

When the blade met the thread Changkyun’s heart shatters.

  
———

  
“I’ll be going then.” Changkyun nods again, Kihyun passed by softly brushing the former’s shoulder. When he hears the chimes that's when he allowed himself to look up at Minhyuk’s face full of concern.

Minhyuk placed a hand on Changkyun’s shoulder. The sudden heat was comforting. “I’ll lock up. Your tea’s still there, relax then let’s talk okay Kyun?” Minhyuk goes out and Changkyun enters, he allows himself to peek at his finger. It was that disgusting color of brown, at least he can finally look at anything besides the walls and ceiling. He sits down on his chair trying to let everything sink in again. First, he met his soulmate. Second, said soulmates want their strings cut. Third, Changkyun hesitates. Which isn’t a Changkyun thing to do, he doesn’t hesitate. He was always so sure about everything, everything besides his soulmate and that messes him up on an ungodly level. Fourth, he cuts their thread. He squeezes his eyes shut again trying his hardest to get even the faintest image of Kihyun around the glowing threads away.

“Kyun, you awake?”

“I’d rather not be.” Minhyuk shakes him. “Hey, don’t be like that. C’mon please look at me.” And he did, he looks into Minhyuk’s sympathetic face.

“Okay, let’s go. Let’s talk about this.”

“It’s not easy.” Minhyuk holds Changkyun’s wrist. The latter tries to detach himself, “Min let go.”

“No. It could be if you could talk to me about it. I’m your best friend and it’s hard for me to see you like that when you could just talk to me!” Minhyuk opens his mouth again to speak but he was tongue tied. Changkyun and Minhyuk had their fights but never with any of them raising their voices.

Changkyun chokes back a sob. Minhyuk’s right it’s time to talk about this. He sits straight thinking that the action will help him pull himself together. Minhyuk sat on top of his desk. The younger clears his throat. “I just don’t know where to start. I wanted to tell you for a long time now.”

Minhyuk leans forward. “We have all night, you can start from the beginning.” Changkyun looks back at up Minhyuk.

It took them hours for Changkun to explain everything. How his parents weren’t soulmates since they believed in free choice. He grew up like that and it affected him so much growing up. When his dad left to the other side his mom was devastated. They truly loved each other Changkyun knows that. But after years his mom started dating again, her string was still there connected to someone. The image of his mom trying to date and having a string attached to her finger was not a sight to see for Changkyun. She wasn’t strong enough, brave enough to get her string cut. Sometimes it looked like his mom was just trying to distract herself, but wanting so badly to meet her other half, like she was being compelled to love someone whom she doesn’t even know. “It felt like she was punishing herself because of what happened to dad.” Changkyun frowns, he feels the tears threaten his eyes again but he stops them and continued the story with Minhyuk listening.

He carried that with him along with the existential dread that comes with feeling like everything has been planned out, that you can’t be whom you want to be but what they, whoever they are, wants you to be. Out of principle, he decided not to succumb in this, in love. Why would he? If every relationship he’ll have that’s not connected to the string on his finger will always feel inferior compared to his soulmate, that no relationship can last if it’s not with his soulmate, if it’s not them then why try? This caused Changkyun’s indifference when he found out he can cut the strings he really didn’t know what he can do with this information. When he started it as a business he was able to gain money for both his mother and him, that was enough. His mother’s comfort and happiness was enough. There were times when Changkyun broke down, but he was able to say everything. Although he felt like his chest was shaking apart he feels relieved too now that Minhyuk knows why.

“Aside from that, I surrendered to free-market capitalism.” Changkyun chuckles and sits his teacup down. “Don’t joke about this.” Minhyuk frowns to match the former. “Don’t you think it would be better to tell Kihyun? The effects of having your thread cut aren’t great Changkyun. You two could have saved yourselves from the pain by talking things out.”

“I’d want to I guess. It’s the most rational way to handle things but would he want to? He talked about how he’s doing it for his soulmate how it’s necessary and I believe him.” Changkyun digs his fingers into his palm, honestly speaking he was afraid of Kihyun. Especially the thought of falling in love with him.

Minhyuk narrows his eyes. “. Why not take this chance? Why did you have to cut it?”

“I respect his decision.” Minhyuk is not buying it. “You’re just afraid.” Annoyance flares inside Changkyun, what does Minhyuk know anyway? “I’m not.”

“Why on earth didn’t you say something? You know you’re lucky, I would’ve done anything just to meet mine.” Minhyuk was fuming, he was never one to question other people’s choices. There were times though that he would think why won’t they do something about their soulmates, why won’t they make it work. Why do they have to have it cut?

“Because he wants to!” Changkyun snaps. He stood up so that Minhyuk and the younger were facing eye level.

Minhyuk stands up as well, “Just because he wants to doesn’t mean you can’t stop it. What if you guys would’ve been happier together. What if you guys would work things out? Why can't you just accept the fact that you have a soulmate?”

“Because he’s going to die!”

Changkyun can visibly see Minhyuk stiffen, he shuts his eyes again and falls on his table. There it is again the throbbing of his heart sooner or later it’ll turn to dust. “IPF. He has pulmonary fibrosis. The life expectancy for people like Kihyun is two and a half years. He’s lived those two years and five months already. He only has a month left Min.” Changkyun opens his eyes to see Minhyuk with his head lowered, using the back of his palm to wipe his tears.

“He’s my soulmate. That’s great, wonderful even. He seems like a nice person because he really is he wanted to have his thread cut so he would never put his soulmate in the position of feeling pressured to be with him because he’s sick. Or to make his soulmate suffer from him dying first.”

“You have to tell him Kyun.” Changkyun shakes his head, “No, no. It’s his wish you know. I can’t do that.”

“But it’s fate Changkyun.”

“It’s not.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can listen to this while reading 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/album/2B87zXm9bOWvAJdkJBTpzF  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQkdwymDanE
> 
> the louvre by lorde

Everything is dull. Even the most vibrant colors looked like it was faded. He took a week off, knowing the effects of having the string cut he purposely stayed at his apartment while Minhyuk runs the store. The effects of the string were hellish, but for Changkyun who has no attachment with the person connected to the other end aside from being the cause of their split, it was okay. But not okay too. 

 

Everything is dull.  From playing online games to cooking his food. It’s not like his normal life with the string wasn’t, it’s just that the dullness of it all was too draining. Usually, his indifferent attitude would make things less obvious because he simply didn’t care but now, it was so in-your-face that it was unbearing. 

 

The first day was empty cans of beer that Changkyun downed in seconds. He hasn't moved from his spot at the living room wearing the same clothes he wore when he had his string cut. He had trouble sleeping, explains why he bought a ton of beer for him to distract himself. That night he ended up crying. The second day was litter mingling on the floor, slowly turning into towers. He fell asleep that day though, maybe not in the evening but it's still sleeping, he’ll take what he can. The third day his phone buzzes, it was Minhyuk. He didn’t answer though, he was too close to having a breakdown that the comfort of another person might be too overwhelming. It’s the fourth day since the string was cut, Changkyun realizes now how much pain his customers went. A part of him wanted to apologize for making them feel like this, however, it still is their choice. He grabs the cup of instant noodles on the coffee table only to see that it’s already empty. He concludes his experience now is a solid eleven out of ten won’t do it again. He’s been doing better, he fell asleep last night. He brushed his teeth today, washed his face only with water though and then he decides that today instead of moping it’s better to go to the nearest supermarket buy some food. Chocolate and maybe some ice cream to drown himself with to distract him from the hole that’s still gaping in his heart than to be surrounded by unfinished, already going bad instant noodles around his living room. With that idea in mind, he wore his cleanest hoodie that he got from the floor and walked down to the nearest supermarket. He knows he looked like a slob and that seeing someone wearing their pajamas at 8:00 am in the morning is not really that unusual but still kinda is. Regularly, Changkyun was neat and prim and proper but these past few days was hellishly sad that he has no motivation to do anything from cooking, working, anything at all, even laundry. He never imagined his way of coping would be a mixture of not doing anything and doing everything to distract himself.

 

When he arrives at the supermarket he gets the smallest cart, placing his elbows on the handle and pushing it idly. He starts pushing off chips onto the cart chanting “I’m buying you” for every item that fell inside. It would be a dream if he were to get stuck here for a night with an enormous amount of food supply waiting for him to eat, however, not everything comes true. And he thinks about all those soulmates whose strings he had cut. Their wishes of happiness won’t come true with someone else, why can’t they realize that? Sometimes Changkyun thinks he’s getting money out of people who are stupid. Another side of him thinks he’s just too mean. Then guilt eats him up again, not because of Kihyun alone but of all the people whose strings were cut. 

 

He lets out a sigh when the song being played stopped. It was the only thing that can actually take his mind off of the guilt. Changkyun looked up only to see the uncomfortable bright lights which made Changkyun’s vision blurry. “Damn those fluorescents,” He said barely audible. Then the next song caught his attention, Lorde’s The Louvre, he monotonously sang with her. 

 

_ Broadcast the boom, boom, boom. _ He sighs, his heart was beating rapidly following how she sings those words but faster and faster. The volume feels soft but so bass-heavy that it was pounding. His heart beats faster. Maybe because of the tension in his head, guilt eating him up. Then he thinks about Kihyun, as the song’s about to end. Is he okay? 

 

_ A rush at the beginning I get caught up, just for a minute. _

 

He did get caught up, didn’t he? He shouldn’t be thinking about him, he’s fine. It's his decision. He moves to the next aisle so he can get to the fresh produce, he thinks it would make him feel better you know. Eating healthy. 

 

_ But lover, you’re the one to blame. All that you’re doing. Can you hear the violence? _

 

Next, he makes his way towards the dairy products still monotonously singing with Lorde. He scans the freezer to see the ice cream flavors, then he moves to the next seeing that what he was looking for wasn’t there. 

 

_ Megaphone to my chest. Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, and make them ‘em all dance to it. _

 

The song was about to end, repeating the lyrics. Changkyun was getting irritated, he can’t seem to find the flavor he wants. He moves to the next freezer. 

 

_ Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, and make them ‘em all dance to it. _

 

Then to the next. He’s not looking at his way, just quickly scanning the tubs of ice cream. It doesn’t matter what brand it is anyway. 

 

_ Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, and make them ‘em all dance to it. _

 

The song was still pounding in his ears. It felt like it was his heart in the beat, louder and louder and louder. He walks slowly, elbows still on the handle lazily scanning the tubs when he hits something. When he looks up it was someone else’s cart.

 

_ Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, and make them ‘em all dance to it. _

 

And he looks up even further. 

 

_ Broadcast the boom, boom, boom, and make them ‘em all dance to it. _

 

It was Kihyun. 

 

You know the scenes in movies when you’re somewhere, maybe running, at a party, or at a grocery store trying to look for the ice cream flavor that you want then the music slows down and you make eye contact with that specific person. And you get caught up in the moment but it’s okay because everything felt like magic and there were butterflies in your stomach. And that person’s so bright, illuminating a deep red and you just stare. And you know when you look back it’s going to be the fondest memory you'll have with that person because it was anything but dull,  that person alone was vivid.

 

But it’s not. It’s not. When Changkyun sees Kihyun it was bats in his stomach trying to get away, felt like guilt swallowing him up from the inside shouting “that’s what you get” because it is, it’s what he gets because it’s what he deserves. For lying, for cutting soulmates’ strings, for not wanting to tell him, for being afraid. 

 

He pushes the pounding of his heart aside as the song ends. It’s guilt, not denial. 

  
  


———

 

Kihyun looked like a mess. His clean, styled hair was disheveled, he wasn’t wearing makeup making the dark circles appear. “Doing groceries, huh?” It was Kihyun who started the conversation with his hoarse voice. 

 

“Yeah, I. How are you?” Business. Business. Business. Changkyun chants the words in his head. “I’m here to look for some mint chocolate chip ice cream. When you said the side effects would be me being sad I didn’t think it would be ‘I’m gonna go buy ice cream with no makeup’ sad.” Kihyun chuckles, but it was lifeless. Changkyun thinks talking with him longer would turn his already shattered heart into dust but he doesn’t stop. He can’t. 

 

“Mint? That’s for toothpaste not a great ice cream flavor at all.” Changkyun rolls his eyes, showing a different side of him. “What were you gonna buy, huh?” Changkyun looks down, he knows he’ll get judged. “Butter pecan.”

 

“Butter pecan?” Kihyun’s mouth was open, his eyebrows were furrowed and he had this look of disbelief that made Changkyun chuckle under his breath. “That’s like worse than Mint! It has a whole HuffPost Life article about it!” 

 

Changkyun snorts, “I’m pretty sure you’re exaggerating the last part.” 

 

“Okay, maybe not a whole article about it specifically but maybe a top ten worst ice cream flavor list. Yeah, that’s it.” Changkyun raises his eyebrow to taunt Kihyun. This side of him, how competitive he was is taking. The former raises his hand, “Hear this, I’ll call a truce if you help me find my butter pecan and I’ll help you find your mint trash.” Kihyun rolled his eyes. “Rather not get help with someone with no taste.” The latter moves back and pushes his cart forward. Changkyun takes a peek to see what’s inside. Kihyun’s has a healthier variety of food compared to Changkyun. ‘Is he even allowed to have ice cream?’ Changkyun thinks. 

 

Kihyun cleared his throat when he was besides Changkyun. His eyes looked down as Changkyun was still using his elbows to hold the cart. “What are you waiting for? You offered help,” and Changkyun smiles. It was soft, and the first time Kihyun saw him smile too so he returned it. 

  
  


Changkyun feels the pound in his heart, similar to the one he experienced when he first met Kihyun. 

  
  
  


He might also hide the mint flavored ice cream when he sees it. Just to make sure Kihyun won’t get sick. 

  
  


———

 

Changkyun was on his way towards his store, it was already the start of a new week. He could say the rest of the week after accidentally meeting Kihyun was easier compared to the former days. It confuses him that whenever he was with Kihyun he just can’t seem to help himself. After Kihyun walked down the aisle, Changkyun skillfully hid the mint ice cream then later searching if it’s okay for Kihyun to find out that it wasn’t. So he invited him to eat outside instead since he somewhat felt guilty for hiding what seemed to be the former’s stress reliever. He got a chuckle as a reply. Kihyun asked if Changkyun was going to wear what he was wearing. The latter had a tint of pink on his cheeks, he didn’t notice that he was still wearing pajamas. Kihyun did accept it though just not on that day, he reasoned because he looked like trash too. 

The next day Changkyun started cleaning his apartment He started with the living room, the main source of filth and litter. Next, the kitchen where trash looked like mountains atop the counter. Then when everything was spotless, he started with himself. He enters the bathroom and took a hot shower. 

 

When everything was done he checked himself out in the mirror. A white button-up shirt, black slacks. He shakes his head he looks like he’s going to an office. He wears chino pants next and a polo, it feels weird. Like he’s a pretentious college student so he changes again. He wore ankle pants, a white shirt, and black shoes. He checked himself out again and he huffs right after, he looked too prepared. He didn’t want to look like he prepared for this as he thought about what to wear for a couple of times which was the case but Kihyun doesn’t need to know that. He wanted to look nonchalant. He grunts again and gets whatever he would wear on a usual work day. The final image was Changkyun wearing a white shirt, with black jeans. He throws in a jacket too just to make it look like he thought about it but not too much. It felt like forever since he felt self-conscious with himself but at the same time, he also felt confident. He still wasn’t satisfied with his look but he was more confident with this compared to the others. It was weird but he really wanted to look presentable for lunch with Kihyun. 

 

They met up at the restaurant, Kihyun was already there looking at the menu when Changkyun saw him seated outside the restaurant. It wasn’t really his type since there would be people whom he might bump into. It happens a lot, sometimes he would notice someone staring at him noticeably with ill intention. 

 

“Hey,” Kihyun greets as he moves the next page. Changkyun sits down across Kihyun, he opens his menu, “Hey to you too. What are you gonna have?” Kihyun scrunches his nose, Changkyun might’ve thought he looked like a hamster. “I can’t have any of these besides the salad and a glass of water, so yeah.” His head falls back against the headrest.

 

Changkyun gives Kihyun an accusing look, “Then why go here? We could’ve gone to some Banh mi place. That’s healthy right, Banh mi?” Kihyun laughs at the sudden question. “No, well I don’t think so. And I wanted you to eat so I chose this place.” 

 

Changkyun gets one of the tissues on the table and throws it at Kihyun, “You considerate dork.” the latter grabs it back and throws it at Changkyun. “You’re welcome.” 

After lunch Kihyun and he parted ways at the nearest bus station, Kihyun called an Uber because according to him a crowd makes it hard for him to breathe. Then Changkyun was left alone thinking about how Kihyun was sick, and how he was his soulmate. Changkyun searched about pulmonary fibrosis, and when he looks at Kihyun it seemed like he wasn’t sick at all. The only thing that can make it look like he was sick was his fingers clubbing. He sometimes hid it, when they first met Changkyun noticed how he would make fists. He would hear Kihyun cough really loudly, multiple times. Other times he would excuse himself to go to the bathroom with his bag with him, Changkyun thinks he drinks medication somewhere where he can’t see. Which bothers him, Kihyun can be vulnerable with him. Changkyun does care, he was worried he didn’t want to see him die. He was a great acquaintance after all. 

 

If it were another person Changkyun would think that he has a schoolboy crush on him. 

 

He scratches the thought away. He didn’t like Kihyun, he wasn’t supposed to especially now that they had their strings cut and Kihyun was in fact dying. It’s not like Kihyun feels the same anyway.

 

———

 

The next day Changkyun was back with his walls newly intact. No, he does not like Kihyun. No, he doesn’t want to like someone whom he knows deserves better, because who would want a coward. Minhyuk’s words echo all around Changkyun’s mind. He knew he said that out of anger, and that he doesn’t mean it but it’s true. 

 

Kihyun and Changkyun exchanged numbers yesterday. He could say that he was excited about him chatting with Kihyun. But when his phone rang, he didn’t answer.

 

———

 

The last day of the week. Changkyun ignored every message he got. He wasn’t as sad anymore but he felt numb. Like there was a missing piece and he can’t seem to find the right one that fits. The sound of music resonates between his ears and the apartment walls. It grows louder, his room felt like it was too big for one person it makes it seem like everything was too much for Changkyun. 

 

———

 

Changkyun woke up feeling groggy and tired. It felt like he was back in college dying from all the papers he had written last night, but now it’s because of thinking about a guy. But it was the start of a new week, he doesn’t want to feel like this because of someone so he quickly prepares for the day. Deep behind his back was still the ringing of guilt and, around him were still red strings that glowed brightly so blinding. But today was Changkyun’s day. He’s going to do things like he normally would, he’s going to act the same and look the same and talk the same. He then turns left and he sees his store already open. Changkyun hurriedly walks towards it to see if there was something wrong. He opens the door to spot  Minhyuk leaning in front of the counter talking to someone who had his back facing Changkyun. He clears his throat to get the older’s attention.

 

“Changkyun, someone’s looking for you.” Someone turned around. Much to his surprise, it was Kihyun. He stands up when Changkyun walks nearer. “I-uh. I wanted to ask if we can talk.” Changkyun looks back at Minhyuk who shrugs, he really didn’t mind working more. Plus he’d want Changkyun and Kihyun to talk too. The younger nods, he opens the door and Kihyun walks out before him. 

 

The two haven’t started talking yet they were walking to the park as described by Kihyun it was a nice place of solitude and chatter. The two sat on the bench and Kihyun starts. “I decided I want to live.” Changkyun cocks an eyebrow.

 

“What do you mean?” Changkyun sees Kihyun swallow around a lump on his throat.  “I’ve been thinking about soulmates. And you, you can see them right? I just want to know if you happen to know who mine is.” Kihyun looked straight into Changkyun’s eyes it felt almost hopeful. He pulls back, facing the other direction, he can’t look into his eyes when he’s like that. 

 

“I felt something, you know? When we, God! This is stupid, I-I’m,” and Kihyun’s phone rings. Changkyun has never wanted a phone to ring until that moment. Kihyun answers the call, he looked somewhat irritated while talking. Changkyun let’s out a breath he didn’t know he held. He takes a few more breaths to calm himself down. Changkyun then stares at Kihyun, he looked even more tired now. His skin wasn't as bright, his face looked more exhausted and Changkyun wonders if he ever feels better. Kihyun ends the call with the person, he rubs the back of his neck and looks at Changkyun apologetically, “I gotta go. Check-up.” When he was about to move away, Changkyun scrambles up and grabs Kihyun’s wrist. “I’ll go with you.” 

 

———

 

He didn’t really have a reason as to why he offered to go with Kihyun aside from wanting to know more about his condition. Changkyun was waiting outside while Kihyun was talking with his physician. It’s been an hour and Changkyun didn’t really know what to do, he’s been talking to the kid across him via eye contact and making faces. He was pretty sure his mom saw him once or twice and thinks that Changkyun is weird. 

 

He then rested his head with the palm of his right hand, sooner he found himself drifting to sleep. 

 

Changkyun awoke slowly, his ears slowly becoming aware of the sound. His eye trying hard to adapt with the sudden change from darkness to glowing red strings. He groaned as he stretched his arms, hitting someone in the process. “Sorry ‘bout that.” He instantly noticed that it was Kihyun. “I was starting to think you’re the one who’s about to die and not me.” Changkyun had a pressed smile, but he chose to answer it with the same tone as Kihyun. “Sorry to disappoint.” His voice was hoarse and Kihyun looked intently at Changkyun before standing up. 

 

The car ride back to Changkyun’s store was silent, filled with words wanted to say. The song that fills the empty space of the car made everything more lonesome the only thing making things better was the Uber driver humming along with the tone. Kihyun’s head was resting on the side of the window, Changkyun, who was in front,  tries to sneakily look at him using the side mirror. The car ride ends just as fast as the song changes, Kihyun had dropped him off. He expected for them to continue the conversation but the former ended up giving Changkyun a wave and hails a taxi just after. 

 

———

 

“How was it?” Minhyuk asks as soon as he sees Changkyun literally falling on the couch of the waiting area. “I don’t deserve him.”

 

Minhyuk taps a finger on the table as if trying to make Changkyun say something. Pressing him further. “Is that you saying you like him?”

 

“I...” Changkyun starts but he stops to clear his throat. “Now that I’m in this position, I stopped to think about our customers a lot. I kept thinking that they always want their strings cut but what about the person at the other end? Did they even consider them for their own selfishness? And here we are tolerating them.” Changkyun shakes his head and turns to face Minhyuk. “We’re not saints, I don't think Kihyun would want me.” Minhyuk looked like he was about to combust. 

 

Minhyuk steps closer, “No one is. Not you, not me, not Kihyun. Stop being so afraid of falling in love Changkyun.” The younger of the two sits up straight, he knows where this is headed. “Listen, you and he aren’t soulmates anymore if you do like him it’s not because of guilt driving you to.”

 

Changkyun gets a throw pillow and grunts into it, “But what if it is?” Minhyuk snorts. “I doubt it, he talked to me about your little grocery date and that lunch thing you had the other day,” Minhyuk says, coming to sit beside him. “What did you feel?”

 

Changkyun bit his lips, not really knowing how he felt but he remembers the vividness of it all. “It was colorful I guess. He, he felt like all the colors. It felt like magic. He’s magic.” 

 

“Are you sure that’s guilt?” Changkyun shook his head, he considers the battle lost. “Avoiding him like the plague isn’t going to help anything. I know it’s overwhelming, and you’re panicked because of this whole affection thing which is foreign for you. But Changkyun it’s fate, you can’t play with fate anymore.”

 

At least now he knows the truth. 

  
  
  


He’s in love with Kihyun. 

  
  



End file.
